Summary
By Johnny_Law
Onboard the Xcalibur, the Xtcles prepare Nearl, the “local retarded wine-o guy” for his debut as Xander Crews. If they should fail, then Stan (disguised as Awesome-X) will detonate a random Xtcle’s built-in neck bomb until all of the Xtcles are dead. Nearl doesn’t make things easy for the Xtcles, whom argue over the relevance of the wing collar tuxedo. The clock is ticking and one of the Xtcles is forced to miss his daughter’s recital, however because she’s wearing an Xtcle helmet, her head blows up. Not to mention Nearl’s lack of coherent speech makes matters worse. However, one of the Xtcles has a plan: inject a syringe of brain chemical into Nearl’s head, which should instantly make him smarter. After some debate over where an Xtcle gets experimental brain chemical, Nearl is injected. Almost instantaneously, the chemical works, creating a smart, rational, and with a faux-British accent Nearl. The Xtcles then move on to the final stage of the plan: proving to Awesome-X that Crews is indeed alive, and stopping the detonation of the Xtcles’ neck bombs. Stan senses a switcheroo by the Xtcles, and demands a blood test to determine if Nearl’s DNA matches Xander's. After a game of Press Your Luck, the results come back positive: a perfect match for Crews. Stan releases control of the neck bombs to the Xtcles and makes his exit. However, Stan fumbles his Awesome-X exit speech, leaving the Xtcles to suspect something is wrong about their boss…
The Xtcles, gathered in a huddle, listen to Nearl’s sensational story of two heirs to the Crews fortune. Nearl, due to his profound retardation, is sent to a mental institute, never to be visited by any of his family. After the institute closes, presumably due to Reganomics, Nearl left to roam the streets. Back in the present, Nearl with the Xtcles still in a huddle, vows revenge against Xander Crews, and promises to take back the Crews Empire. Unfortunately, Ronnie shoots him in the head, killing Nearl instantly. However, he explains his actions, saying that things are already messed up enough, why do the whole evil twin angle? Realizing that Xander Crews is Awesome-X, the Xtcles begin to wonder where their leader really is. Meanwhile, Killface and Barnaby Jones (a.k.a. Xander Crews), still blind, are working in a Chinese action figure factory with Old Spice, an old Chinese man. After eating some radishes and listening to poorly translated Chinese by Barnaby, Killface learns that Simon is the leader of a brutal sport known as death rabbits…
Quotes:
Nearl: "Wow is this really Babar’s house?"
Xtacle: "Nearl, I’m going to kill Babar."
Nearl: "Everybody is Ken!"
Xtacle: "Is it me or is it 1987? A wing collar. Are you doing this?"
Nearl: “Lisa Lisa the one I adore!”
Nearl: “Everybody, thank Ken!”
Xtacle: “We’re still dealing with some pretty profound retardation here.”
Xtacles: “BOOSH, BOOSH, BA-BA-BOOSH!”
Nearl: “Mr. Crews will do nicely, though I can’t say the same for that winged collar. My God…”
Awesome Stan: “It turns out I couldn’t have you declared legally dead after three days.”
Ronnie: “I fix…with my pliers”
Awesome Stan: “What are whammies?”
Ronnie: “Deh unwelcome thief of Press Your Luck.”
Awesome Stan: “I am also awesomely effiing leaving!”
Xtacle 1: “Why are our heads still blowing up?!”
Xtacle 2: “That’s..uh..me guys..sat on the remote.”
Xtacle 3: “We should put that in a cabinet. That your fat ass can’t fit in!”
Xatcle 1:“Oh my God.”
Xatcle 2: “Yeah, it’s cheddar.”
Nearl: “Enema, sound it out Mr. Ford!”
Mr. Ford: “Hospital’s closed, Nearl. Now I gotta go work in the damn pet store. You can thank Ron Regan’s ass for that.”
Nearl: “Thank you Ronald Reagan, your legacy is intact.”
Ronnie: “What?! Is complicated enough without having all that evil twin bullsh*t we’re having.”
Barnaby: “Aww, he wants you to have his radish.”
Killface: “Mmmm. Save some for my birthday. Put a candle in it. Oh, why don’t I just eat a candle?”
Killface: “Why is Old Spice giving me radishes?”
Barnaby: “He says it’s something to to something, the father of…iron legs?”
Barnaby: “That’s just crazy Chinaman talk man.”
Barnaby: “I kinda think he said…death rabbits.”
