Summary
by Johnny_Law
As the Halfling records a video for the Internet, Xander Crews’ campaign jet crashes to the ground. Meanwhile, Team Jaguar reports the crash and Darcelle Jones’ death. At Crews, Inc. Stan discusses changes to Xander’s Presidential campaign, namely working on Crews’ image problem. Xander is focused on other priorities: his secretary Ashley still hasn’t found Fred Dryer yet. Realizing that his candidate has few qualities that people can relate to, Stan advises Xander he needs to reshape his image; mainly buying a bus and marrying Grace Ryan. Xander objects and laughs at the idea, not realizing that Grace is standing right behind him in full Jackie Kennedy attire.
Back at Killface’s campaign headquarters, Kilface, Taquil, Lamont, and Dottie discuss their next course of action. Taquil, convincing Killface that he’s on damage control, actually tells the Zionist church that Killface’s assassination will result in his Presidency. After Mr. Ford decides to ignore Killface’s request for advice, Dottie proposes that Killface broaden his voter base to Middle America (guns and NASCAR). Both Killface and Xander’s political camps decide to go to on a duck hunt. Xander resents the idea at first, mainly because he prefers to hunt panda instead. He reluctantly agrees to both Stan and Grace. While Xander shoots his gun to the press, Killface fields questions regarding his hunting trip conflicting with his pro-environment platform. With the press looking on, Xander and Killface argue over campaign buses.
In the marsh, Killface realizes the ducks he’s shooting at are decoys; one of them is Wendell in disguise. He tells Killface that the area is a major security risk. Ironically, Val is hiding close by, but her chance to assassinate her unsuspecting prey is delayed by a much needed trip to the bank. After Wendell leaves, Killface is drawn to a duck call, which leads him to Xander, also following the sound. Both are lost, but assume their campaign advisers are looking for them. However, that’s not the case, as Stan, Dottie, and Taquil are all back at Killface’s apartment watching NASCAR. Back in the marsh, Killface and Xander are still lost with night approaching. Xander (now with no shoes) realizes he should have brought his flare gun, but Killface has an idea: if they shoot their guns in the air, someone is bound to hear them and rescue the lost duo. After debating over which movie had a bear and Anthony Hopkins in it, they decide to try Killface’s plan. However, both continue to argue over who should shoot first. Little do both know that Val is waiting with a rifle, and shots are fired.
Quotes:
Halfling: I don’t want to get flagged by a moderator.
Xander: The first thing is, I need a bigger asskickier jet.
Xander: My only problem is I don’t have a jet, and me and Fred Dryer aren’t on it.
Stan: We’ve got to remold your image. Get people to look at you and say “There’s a fellow whom I’d like to share a cold brewski.”
Killface: And Taquil’s been out you know…rallying the Negroes.
Taquil: Just remember this: somebody is probably going to assassinate him and then guess who will be President?
Killface: Oh, what if we gave out little bottles of grape soda with our logo on them?
Taquil: Man, you gotta stop with the grape sodas.
Killface: Orange?
Mr. Ford: Yeah I got your pole right here. Ahhh, talkin’ about my penis.
Xander: I’m assuming that’s as rednecky as it sounds?
Stan: Trump around the boonies, kill some birds, fantastic photo op.
Killface: I look like a push-up.
Killface: You know, you should be out here too.
Taquil: Two movies: Surviving the Game and Deliverance. Not going to happen.
Killface: I cured global warming, so if I want to bag a few birds…shut up.
Xander: Hey dooshington, nice bus little rascals!
Killface: Ha! This marsh will run red with the blood of my vicious slaughter!
Dottie: Within the legal limit of course.
Killface: Like to have a thought balloon over that guy’s head.
Xander: Usually by this time, I’m honkin’ down a big ol’ panda steak.
Xander: Yeah it kinda reminds me of that time we were in the sewer.
Killface: Really?
Xander: It’s almost the same plot.
Killface: It almost reminds me of the time I’d wish you would shut up.
Xander: You can’t softball it in like that, you know I’m gonna dog it.
Killface: Turn six already!
Killface: Tony Hopkins was in it.
Xander: Oh my God, is he great?
Killface: I could watch him read the phone book.
Xander: Wait, why do you get to do it?
Killface: It was my idea.
Xander: Yeah, but I got us lost!
Killface: Well, just more lost. You know, we were already decently lost to begin with.
Killface: Oh my God! The Edge. Tony Hopkins, Alec Baldwin, Elle MacPherson, black guy from Oz, whacking great bear. The Edge.
