Summary
By Nikki_D
Killface's apt is ablaze after he was hit by an RPG, which turns out was accidentally fired by the LARP nerd that dresses like a halfling. Ironically, he got it from Simon after meeting him at the "Bear Trap" through a personal ad. Meanwhile, Killface is recovering in a hospital room with a gaping hole though his torso. Dottie points out how this has turned things around for him. All the groups he managed to alienate during his religious kick have now forgotten about it all through their sympathy after the "assassination" attempt. Wendell has gone to visit Cody in prison who is serving time for a crime Wendell committed, killing one of the action 10 news crew. Cody has had a rough time to say the least, he has been forced to join the Arian Brotherhood to survive and now is the... companion of a guy named Gary.
Xander is in his office playing with his toy dinosaur and Fred Dryer action figure as Stan is hammering him on his lack of finding a running mate. Xander pulls out a "short list of four tentative maybes" of which are Roxanne, the Real Roxanne, Roxanne Shanta and Salmon Rushdie. Xander gets Ashley (who is hiding under her desk from the "sirens") and asks her to get Salmon Rushdie on the phone. She then claims that Fred Dryer is on hold. Xander freaks out and tells her to put him on. Xander extends the offer for him to be vice president of America but suddenly puts him on hold and asks Stan if it's of Canada too. Xander is not convinced when Stan answers no and wishes out loud that he had a computer and suddenly one raises up through a panel in his desk... a feature that until now he was unaware of. As he tries pulling Wikipedia up he realizes he has no internet connection. They spend near an hour trying to get him connected and eventually give up and go to a coffee shop where, with the use of a pc at the shop, Stan is able to prove that it is indeed not of Canada as well. After realizing they've left Fred on hold all this time they rush back only to find out the guy Ashely got on the phone is Fred Hunter.
Killface is now back at his apt, where there is still a huge hole from the blast. After Killface gets a "get well soob" card from Lamont, Dottie starts talking about their dwindling campaign funds and for some reason her hair begins falling out in clumps. Xander decides he will to try to impress Fred Dryer by appearing as Awesome X and then take him for a ride in the Xcalibur. He arrives on board only to find that the Xtacles, now wearing black, call themselves the Decpeticles and elected Hooper as their new leader. When Xander aims his guns on Hooper, the Decepticles all pull their guns on him. Hooper orders them to throw him in the brig and announces that they are going to assassinate Killface then destroy the world.
Quotes:
Halfling: Hey! Spell of enough with the questions.
Wendell: Listen... you think you can move some product in here?
Cody: *sigh* I'll have to check with Gary.
Wendell: Who the hell is Gary?
Cody: .....
Wendell: Oh.
Xander: Why is your voice echoy?
Ashley: I'm under my desk again... because of the sirens.
Xander: Those aren't real world sirens buddy.
Ashley: Ohhh.
Xander: Those live inside you. So can you get Salmon Rushdie on the phone please?
Xander: I don't even see the IP address.
Stan: It's right-
Xander: Now I'm thinking of I.P. Freely. Now I'm thinking of Ace Frehley. *gasp* Stan, Ace Frehley... put him on the list.
Xander: How and why is Hooper in charge?
Decepticle: Well, you know... he's got a lot of great ideas and um... leadership.
Xander: *gasps* It's his tits isn't it!?
Decepticle: Oh my god are his tits not insane!?
Decepticles: *singing* Decepticles, more than you bargained for.
Hooper: Throw him in the brig and then gear up, because we are going to assassinate the whereinkelly!
