Summary
By Nikki_D
Val is lying in her underwear on a bed calling to Sinn to hurry out so that they can "start being gay" when they hear the intruder alarm Wendell set off. Val simply blows it off and continues to call to her. Sinn enters the room nude, and is immediately shot down by Val who takes possession of the Annihilatrix key. Val then finds the Decepticles all grouped together in a cell trying to figure out how the alarm was set off. Suddenly the key is yanked from her hands and she is shoved into the cell by Watley with Wendell on his back. They turn the cell's force field wall on, trapping her inside with the Decepticles. After he rides off, one of the Decepticles points out that he's Steve from machete squad. Xander is trying to get in touch with Wendell but can't get a response. Suddenly, Antagone pops on the monitor fed through Wendell's helmet telling him that once their child is born, it will destroy him. Wendell appears on the monitor along with Watley as he's grabbing the helmet and saying they need to leave, making it all too clear to Xander that he's been screwed over. He's quickly distracted from that by a young girl named Jenna who has just come into his office claiming to be his daughter.
On the Xcalibur, Val is feeding the Decepticles a story that involves "Steve" (Wendell) and Watley killing Sinn and trying to frame her for it by putting her in Sinn's armor, then took Antagone away to have her ant baby. After the Decepticles reach the conclusion that Wendell, Watley and Antagone must be forming an Ant Baby Machete Squadron Splinter group, they decide to track them down by the GPS beacon in Wendell's pants, and escape the Xcalibur via the same hole Ronnie and Xander had previously used to get out. Meanwhile, Antagone is in a shoddy motel room suffering through labor. Wendell insists the Baby's name should be Cody II. When Watley declares his feelings for her and pulls out a ring, obviously about to propose, Wendell stops him before he can get a word out and asks to talk to him outside. Xander asks Dr. Stewart to go stand way across the room while he talks to Jenna. She tells him her mother was Felicity Finnegan, but Xander doesn't remember her till she shows him a picture of the two together, at which point he immediately recall's her as Fat Tits Finnegan. Jenna explains that Felicity just died of cancer. Xander seems slightly sympathetic till he's struck with the fear that he may have contracted penis cancer from having sex with her. Despite the increasingly frustrated Jenna's claims that cancer isn't contagious, he calls the doctor on the phone from across the room to come examine him.
Wendell and Watley are arguing about who loves Antagone the most out in the motel parking lot. Wendell settles the dispute with his machete by beheading poor Watley. Picking up the ring he notes "Oh my god, he went to Jared's!". As Jenna is leaving Xander's office, Dr. Stewart tells him what a huge dick he is for paying his daughter a million bucks to go away, while at the same time examining Xander's nether region. Momentarily moved, Xander calls out for her to stop. She turns to him with a slight glimmer of hope in her eyes, but Xander has already forgotten what he was going to say and simply tells her bye again. Val and the Decepticles bicker over why they didn't simply re-enter the Xcalibur to get to the motel faster and notice that they have arrived. Inside, Antagone is finally giving birth sending Wendell running to the bathroom to throw up. She hears banging outside and we see Xander pounding on a hotel room door, but it's Killface that answers, having come to the motel looking for Wendell to get the coupling. While talking they hear Antagone give birth next door. She gazes upon her new mutant baby and expresses her love. The baby then Immediately bites her head off. Wendell steps out and grabs his belt, ready to establish some boundaries. Killface and Xander start banging on the door. Suddenly they get tossed back as the door busts out with the rapidly growing Cody II racing out with Wendell riding him. Val and the Decepticles watch them fly past as one remarks that they are going to need a bigger onesy.
Quotes:
Killface: Wendell! Son of a filthy fat-titted whore.
Simon: unnmummnmmun
Killface: Oh just... piss on the swear jar.Val: Duh-hoy
Decepticle 1: Well if there is no intruder, why is the frickin' alarm going off?
Decepticle 2: I don't know. Maybe your mom was um... aw wait. Damn, I had something.Val: Damn it, my key!
Wendell: Yes the key! The key to your... aw wait, damn I had something. Now it's gone.Ashley: Oh, and your daughter's here to see you.
Xander: Ashley, are you even on site?
Ashley: No. Are you?Decepticle 1: Alright, lemme get this straight. You're saying that steve guy and the crab man killed Sinn.
Val: Yeah, then put me in her armor to make it look like I did it.
Decepticle 2: Damn that Steve's crafty.
Val: Then took off with the bug lady to give birth in a secret location.
Decepticle 1: Their probably starting an ant baby machete squadron splinter group!
Val: Steve mentioned that!Decepticle (Cliff) : Hey guys, why don't we just use the hole?
Decepticle 1: Ooohh. Things Cliff's dad says to him.
Decepticle 2: You'd like us to use your hole.
Decepticle 1: Wait yeah, actually that's a pretty good idea Cliff.Antagone: Why aren't we at a hospital.
Wendell: Because I get a special rate here. Plus a doctor sees a thing like that come out of ya... yeah he's on the phone, next thing ya know you're having a C-section at Area 51 compliments of Steven Segal.Jenna: She died of cancer... on thursday
Xander: God so close to the weekend.That is rou.. Wait! Was it Vagina cancer?
Jenna: What? No.
Xander: Because I don't know if you've had... the talk... it wasn't mouth cancer was it?
Jenna: No....
Xander: Oh my god.... not... Ass hole cancer?
Jenna: NO! It was in her lymph nodes
Xander: Where are the lymph nodes?
Jenna: I don't know... kinda all over your body..
Xander: Including her Ass?
Jenna: I don-
Xander: Bup bup! *dials* Uhh hello, hi, this is Xander Crews.
Dr Stewart: Yeah I know.
Xander: And I need to get tested for cancer.
Jenna: Wha... cancer is not even contagious!
Xander: Unrelated. Humm? Uhh..... penis I guess? And... balls... might have touched something.Wendell: Oh my god, he went to Jared's!
Dr Stewart: Yeah... you were a huge dick.
Killface: And what are you doing here?
Xander: Well, I'm not here to buy a douche bag so it doesn't really concern you.Wendell: Ugh! You ever taken a dump then you throw up on your dick?
